you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
