She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
