Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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