i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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