My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
