Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
