dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
