I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
