Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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