vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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