a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
