just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
