Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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