Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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