I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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