one might say we're banned from that church
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
