Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
