don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
