i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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