you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
