the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
