Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
