At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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