jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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