I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
