I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
