this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just found a bag of teeth...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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