in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
