what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
