saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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