dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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