Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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