The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize