My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
