I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
