just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
