please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize