Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
