oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
