Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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