I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
