i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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