I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
