i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
