He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
