You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize