Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We need to get me chipped asap
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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