So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you never un-have a 4some
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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