I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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