my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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