The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
