Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
