Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
