I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
