I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
