its not stalking. its research.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize