They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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