i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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