I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
