Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
