Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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