If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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