She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
