Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
