ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
