I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
