he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
