real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Every concussion has its silver lining
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
