he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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