Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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