Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
