she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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