he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
