honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need moral support for this bender
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
