at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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