So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
