i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
