make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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