I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
