their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Randomize
