My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize