who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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