Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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