3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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