Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
