I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
