We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
