And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize