maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
